Your Will > My Feelings
just wanna take some moment to pen down my thoughts..
week 9, 10 and week 11..
week 9 was deadline for my nutrition essay, and my bahasa test. it was also my first time serving as a unit guitarist.. Frankly, I know very well that I would not say no to God and to serve in his house, and thus, I secretly wished Junliang would tell me that he decided to change guitarist... Sign.. Know I shouldn't have felt this way, serving God is a privilege and it should be a joy!
Because deep down I know that I'm not fully prepared and well-equipped.
Feeling a little more stress among gifted guitarists such as Libo and Zhengkai, whom constantly seek to improve to serve better in the house of God.
Know that God looks at the heart, but sometimes still felt a bit overwhelmed leading such heavy roles especially when I know I'm not up to it, can't help to feel insecure at times.
Yet, was reminded again of this verse :" when i'm afraid, I will trust in you."
A verse that I hold on to in evangelism, and in sharing during my 21st birthday.
For when I'm weak, He is strong. But let that not be an excuse of me not seeking to improve and give my best as a guitarist... (:
Turned out, emm.. sure made mistakes here and there. Guess it's inevitable for a first-timer, even more traumatising when the song changed last minute with totally new and raw strumming pattern. :/
haha! still thankful la! =D
"I give you all of me in exchange of all of you." Remember that night when u promised and is convicted that you belong to God and no one else? when you wanted to give your all to God as what he had done for you? Don't forget that Geraldine, his love, faithfulness are all more than your insecurities, and also your life. (= don't forget that night, that convo you have with God in front of the mirror. Your life is saved by him! :)
WEEK 10
Got 6 confirmed visitors for easter service! and I got to dance! is really great to serve God with what you love. And super thankful to have kayyuan joining me for service.
Lord, do your work in her life, she needs you, so so much.
Had hormones CA2 and also prayer meet on Friday! Never wanna forget what I mentioned about fresh wind, fresh fire, never wanna compromise on prayer meeting, when it's all about Jesus.
Decided to step out of my comfort zone by investing in the word of God. Struggled to spend $40 on a bible study book and another 30 on hope sem. :O:O
Well, is worth it! Promised to study and meditate on the WOG, which is so powerful and life-changing. :) It is not power encounter, but truth encounter all along.
WEEK 11
The most amazing week! haha! to me!
Had full dress rehearsal on tues, and was reminded of God's love for us once again through the song..
He bore the crown of thorns we deserve, so that we could wear the crown of righteousness he deserves. Thank you Jesus, no words can express how much gratitude I have towards you.
And also so touched that you had to go through all the pain, sweating blood and experiencing hypotension due to the lack of water of you carry the cross (pardon my scientific terms)
Xie Xie Ni Ye Shu.
Then, received my bahasa 3 test result, which was badly done. Additionally, my bahasa presentation was bad too as I kept referring to my script, and was also reminded of my neuron test which scored a C+.
I spent the night talking to God about these ( I almost doze off because it was a very tiring day.. ), reminded myself all again about God's perspective, which outweighs my feelings.
I'm a Christian who happens to be a student, not the other way round. Knowing that results are largely due to me studying bahasa rather last minute, same for neuron..
Many times I fall into the sin of blaming someone else, even at God at times, and choose to avoid it all comes down to me, and my heart, this applied to outreaching to my family as well..
Was reminded once again that studying in NUS is a blessing from God, and would not be possible, or joyful process if I had not know Him.
Does getting a C+, or perhaps scoring a super bad CAP at the end of the semester, or perhaps a drop in my class worth my tears? or it is the brokenness of the world, the lost sheep that God so loved that breaks my heart? Get up Geraldine, know God's perspective and get it all up again!
I admit that disappointment is inevitable especially when you've given your best at something but didn't do well in the end. It feels demoralising when you have put in so much time and effort.
But such things happened and is permitted by God, if you've given your best, that is already good enough and worth a pat on your shoulder and God is definitely pleased, as you have already done your role as a student well. He did not called me to score straight As, instead, He called me to follow Him, to be a disciple of Jesus Christ. Let your identity right Geraldine, Your cert, your CAP, that paper is not what that will last for eternity, it is your character and the souls that you can help Dad to bring back to him.
What happened on Thursday today is seemingly, amazing. (:
After spending that Wednesday night with God, things get back on track again, and instead of dwelling on my grades, I choose to lay down those right and focus on God's work, to meet a MDIS contact tonight. I *CHOOSE* to, not I *WANT* to, or I *TRY* to, for the latter two bypasses the hard choice we have to make. Even how painful it might seems, it is with gritted teeth that I choose the truth, choose to trust in you in the midst of difficult times. And choose to surrender my grades, my studies into your hands, knowing that you have a plan for me. knowing that you are sovereign.
With that heart, I went to school. And is just totally amazing when after I sorted it out with God, He blessed me. I got an A- for my nutrition essay, A- for my hormone Test 1, and a B+ for my nation building essay. I know that just by my capability along wasn't possible. Thank you Lord for the providence as I was preparing for the test, going through the test and assignment, for the strength Lord.
Yes Lord, I'm so unsure how this sem will end, I'm not sure if I can hit the required CAP, not sure if I'm able to get a prof for my FYP project, not sure about my future career and so on..
But just like the rich ruler, perhaps just following you is more than enough, as being with you is the point, rather than knowing where you would be going or where I would be doing.
another super awesome incident is my very first met up with Qinlin, my MDIS contact. Prayed for no communication barrier (as my Chinese has drastically deteriorated) and also for opportunities to go for spiritual conversation. AND PRAISE THE LORD! omg!
we actually talked about God's grace, what faith is, the meaning of Good Friday :O
It has never been so spirit led as like today. Thank You Jesus once again for your Omnipresence.
2 more days Lord, to my ever first performance for you in your beautiful house with fellow brothers and sisters. and is also a day when weiling, zhilin, Karen, huixuan, jasmine and kayyuan will be there.
and You are going to Move.
week 9, 10 and week 11..
week 9 was deadline for my nutrition essay, and my bahasa test. it was also my first time serving as a unit guitarist.. Frankly, I know very well that I would not say no to God and to serve in his house, and thus, I secretly wished Junliang would tell me that he decided to change guitarist... Sign.. Know I shouldn't have felt this way, serving God is a privilege and it should be a joy!
Because deep down I know that I'm not fully prepared and well-equipped.
Feeling a little more stress among gifted guitarists such as Libo and Zhengkai, whom constantly seek to improve to serve better in the house of God.
Know that God looks at the heart, but sometimes still felt a bit overwhelmed leading such heavy roles especially when I know I'm not up to it, can't help to feel insecure at times.
Yet, was reminded again of this verse :" when i'm afraid, I will trust in you."
A verse that I hold on to in evangelism, and in sharing during my 21st birthday.
For when I'm weak, He is strong. But let that not be an excuse of me not seeking to improve and give my best as a guitarist... (:
Turned out, emm.. sure made mistakes here and there. Guess it's inevitable for a first-timer, even more traumatising when the song changed last minute with totally new and raw strumming pattern. :/
haha! still thankful la! =D
"I give you all of me in exchange of all of you." Remember that night when u promised and is convicted that you belong to God and no one else? when you wanted to give your all to God as what he had done for you? Don't forget that Geraldine, his love, faithfulness are all more than your insecurities, and also your life. (= don't forget that night, that convo you have with God in front of the mirror. Your life is saved by him! :)
WEEK 10
Got 6 confirmed visitors for easter service! and I got to dance! is really great to serve God with what you love. And super thankful to have kayyuan joining me for service.
Lord, do your work in her life, she needs you, so so much.
Had hormones CA2 and also prayer meet on Friday! Never wanna forget what I mentioned about fresh wind, fresh fire, never wanna compromise on prayer meeting, when it's all about Jesus.
Decided to step out of my comfort zone by investing in the word of God. Struggled to spend $40 on a bible study book and another 30 on hope sem. :O:O
Well, is worth it! Promised to study and meditate on the WOG, which is so powerful and life-changing. :) It is not power encounter, but truth encounter all along.
WEEK 11
The most amazing week! haha! to me!
Had full dress rehearsal on tues, and was reminded of God's love for us once again through the song..
He bore the crown of thorns we deserve, so that we could wear the crown of righteousness he deserves. Thank you Jesus, no words can express how much gratitude I have towards you.
And also so touched that you had to go through all the pain, sweating blood and experiencing hypotension due to the lack of water of you carry the cross (pardon my scientific terms)
Xie Xie Ni Ye Shu.
Then, received my bahasa 3 test result, which was badly done. Additionally, my bahasa presentation was bad too as I kept referring to my script, and was also reminded of my neuron test which scored a C+.
I spent the night talking to God about these ( I almost doze off because it was a very tiring day.. ), reminded myself all again about God's perspective, which outweighs my feelings.
I'm a Christian who happens to be a student, not the other way round. Knowing that results are largely due to me studying bahasa rather last minute, same for neuron..
Many times I fall into the sin of blaming someone else, even at God at times, and choose to avoid it all comes down to me, and my heart, this applied to outreaching to my family as well..
Was reminded once again that studying in NUS is a blessing from God, and would not be possible, or joyful process if I had not know Him.
Does getting a C+, or perhaps scoring a super bad CAP at the end of the semester, or perhaps a drop in my class worth my tears? or it is the brokenness of the world, the lost sheep that God so loved that breaks my heart? Get up Geraldine, know God's perspective and get it all up again!
I admit that disappointment is inevitable especially when you've given your best at something but didn't do well in the end. It feels demoralising when you have put in so much time and effort.
But such things happened and is permitted by God, if you've given your best, that is already good enough and worth a pat on your shoulder and God is definitely pleased, as you have already done your role as a student well. He did not called me to score straight As, instead, He called me to follow Him, to be a disciple of Jesus Christ. Let your identity right Geraldine, Your cert, your CAP, that paper is not what that will last for eternity, it is your character and the souls that you can help Dad to bring back to him.
What happened on Thursday today is seemingly, amazing. (:
After spending that Wednesday night with God, things get back on track again, and instead of dwelling on my grades, I choose to lay down those right and focus on God's work, to meet a MDIS contact tonight. I *CHOOSE* to, not I *WANT* to, or I *TRY* to, for the latter two bypasses the hard choice we have to make. Even how painful it might seems, it is with gritted teeth that I choose the truth, choose to trust in you in the midst of difficult times. And choose to surrender my grades, my studies into your hands, knowing that you have a plan for me. knowing that you are sovereign.
With that heart, I went to school. And is just totally amazing when after I sorted it out with God, He blessed me. I got an A- for my nutrition essay, A- for my hormone Test 1, and a B+ for my nation building essay. I know that just by my capability along wasn't possible. Thank you Lord for the providence as I was preparing for the test, going through the test and assignment, for the strength Lord.
Yes Lord, I'm so unsure how this sem will end, I'm not sure if I can hit the required CAP, not sure if I'm able to get a prof for my FYP project, not sure about my future career and so on..
But just like the rich ruler, perhaps just following you is more than enough, as being with you is the point, rather than knowing where you would be going or where I would be doing.
another super awesome incident is my very first met up with Qinlin, my MDIS contact. Prayed for no communication barrier (as my Chinese has drastically deteriorated) and also for opportunities to go for spiritual conversation. AND PRAISE THE LORD! omg!
we actually talked about God's grace, what faith is, the meaning of Good Friday :O
It has never been so spirit led as like today. Thank You Jesus once again for your Omnipresence.
2 more days Lord, to my ever first performance for you in your beautiful house with fellow brothers and sisters. and is also a day when weiling, zhilin, Karen, huixuan, jasmine and kayyuan will be there.
and You are going to Move.
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