Serving beyond your preferences.
last night restructuring makes me rethink what does body of Christ truly mean.
Wanted to join an all girls group, so that it's more comfortable for me to serve and support as a core-team member. Also, is easier to for me to be vulnerable and also disciple them..
Bring it up to Jun Liang, but I was placed in a guy-dominated group still.
Feeling rather affected and didn't know the right way to response seeing the restructuring list on the screen.
The same fears and insecurities I have with guys surfaced out again.
Telling God that I want to be intentional in reaching out and disciple people as a senior and as a support to Rebby, but yet, is tough to disciple guys, judging from my past experiences. And the whole subject of boundaries being bought up again, an issue that I often tired of, having to be extra cautious with my words, when all my heart is just to love them as a sis-in Christ, but yet, I know I have to guard my heart and words.
As I was pouring out to you behind closed doors, I asked, what does it really mean to be a follower of Christ, doesn't that means I have to lay down my rights, look beyond my preferences to serve Him? Jesus lay down his right in heaven and came down in human form, to serve the sinners, had dinner with the tax collectors, and even drove him to death on the cross!!
Helplessly, I told Him that I do not have the courage and capacity to love, I am sorry that that love You'd poured out on the cross; No, I don't understand a single inch of it. What love in this when I said I wanna serve your people, yet I'm running away from the discomfort that it might cost me?
I still remembered that night when I was crying uncontrollably, in desperation, telling you that I want to love you more, I want to look beyond myself. Yet, I forgot all of these when I was placed in a LG that challenged me to love.
I was also reminded of Jun Liang, after serving in NS ministry for a few years, and was transfer to NUS, having to lead an all-girls group. It was so challenging and uncomfortable for him that he even have to read a book titled" how to talk to girls." But yet he did it anyway.
As I looked out of the window last night, gazing at the skies, I know that He who has walked me through the darkest valley, will never forsake me, and yes, I never walk alone. This LG is not mine, is His. Reminded that it is to serve Him and His people His way, not my way.
I'm just a broken vessel, and through my brokenness, your light will shine.
Dad, I have no idea how this group is gonna be like, make it grow Lord, let me and let us learn all over again what your love is and amounts to, for your love is the greatest gift of all (1cor13:13). "Let us love one another, for love comes from God. For I have been born of God and knows God, that's why I can love." (1john 4:7) And when it comes to serving, teach me to not focus on my fears and struggles, but focus on you. And let me not forget that childlike song I sang in Cambodia, for " I am weak, but He is strong." I pray that we will use whatever gift we have received to serve one another, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms (1 peter). For whatever may come, even if the risk that I'm fearful for come to pass, I believe You are still sovereign and good, and that this will be a learning and growing process for me before I step into the market place. This group is filled with very different people, from different school and nationalities, at different spiritual maturity and experiences. But I know "You have placed the different parts in the body, every one of them, just as You wanted them to be, and they form one body in Christ" and "You are the head". With that, I am assured as I know You love the Church, and beyond these differences, You are at the center of it all.
Wanted to join an all girls group, so that it's more comfortable for me to serve and support as a core-team member. Also, is easier to for me to be vulnerable and also disciple them..
Bring it up to Jun Liang, but I was placed in a guy-dominated group still.
Feeling rather affected and didn't know the right way to response seeing the restructuring list on the screen.
The same fears and insecurities I have with guys surfaced out again.
Telling God that I want to be intentional in reaching out and disciple people as a senior and as a support to Rebby, but yet, is tough to disciple guys, judging from my past experiences. And the whole subject of boundaries being bought up again, an issue that I often tired of, having to be extra cautious with my words, when all my heart is just to love them as a sis-in Christ, but yet, I know I have to guard my heart and words.
As I was pouring out to you behind closed doors, I asked, what does it really mean to be a follower of Christ, doesn't that means I have to lay down my rights, look beyond my preferences to serve Him? Jesus lay down his right in heaven and came down in human form, to serve the sinners, had dinner with the tax collectors, and even drove him to death on the cross!!
Helplessly, I told Him that I do not have the courage and capacity to love, I am sorry that that love You'd poured out on the cross; No, I don't understand a single inch of it. What love in this when I said I wanna serve your people, yet I'm running away from the discomfort that it might cost me?
I still remembered that night when I was crying uncontrollably, in desperation, telling you that I want to love you more, I want to look beyond myself. Yet, I forgot all of these when I was placed in a LG that challenged me to love.
I was also reminded of Jun Liang, after serving in NS ministry for a few years, and was transfer to NUS, having to lead an all-girls group. It was so challenging and uncomfortable for him that he even have to read a book titled" how to talk to girls." But yet he did it anyway.
As I looked out of the window last night, gazing at the skies, I know that He who has walked me through the darkest valley, will never forsake me, and yes, I never walk alone. This LG is not mine, is His. Reminded that it is to serve Him and His people His way, not my way.
I'm just a broken vessel, and through my brokenness, your light will shine.
Dad, I have no idea how this group is gonna be like, make it grow Lord, let me and let us learn all over again what your love is and amounts to, for your love is the greatest gift of all (1cor13:13). "Let us love one another, for love comes from God. For I have been born of God and knows God, that's why I can love." (1john 4:7) And when it comes to serving, teach me to not focus on my fears and struggles, but focus on you. And let me not forget that childlike song I sang in Cambodia, for " I am weak, but He is strong." I pray that we will use whatever gift we have received to serve one another, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms (1 peter). For whatever may come, even if the risk that I'm fearful for come to pass, I believe You are still sovereign and good, and that this will be a learning and growing process for me before I step into the market place. This group is filled with very different people, from different school and nationalities, at different spiritual maturity and experiences. But I know "You have placed the different parts in the body, every one of them, just as You wanted them to be, and they form one body in Christ" and "You are the head". With that, I am assured as I know You love the Church, and beyond these differences, You are at the center of it all.
The Fellowship of the Believers
42 They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43 Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. 44 All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45 They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. 46 Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47 praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people.And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.
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