Sexual purity in the 21st century. Is it still worth the wait?
This has been a hot topic that was frequently surfaced to me from my friends and mostly the youths. I felt there is a need to openly discuss this.
Most might feel this is such a taboo topic and is often sweep under the carpet, and thus we allow the world and media to portray what love and sex should be.
Below are a few general statements that I have commonly heard from those I care for:
1. "Who the hell is still a virgin in this 21st century?! If the majority is not putting in any effort to value chastity, why should I?"
2. "Why shouldn't I just have fun while I am still young and have it all? What is the value of keeping my virginity/purity?"
3. "Our self-worth should not be tied to our virginity. There is nothing wrong with being intimate with our boyfriend/girlfriend. Why must I exhibit self-control over my passion/desire?"
Firstly, before I may share my true genuine thoughts over this topic, if you are a brother or sister, or even a non-christian that has fallen in this area, it is so important for you to know that God loves you. There is nothing that you have done that can make him love you less, and there is nothing you can do to make him love you more. His love for you is unconditional and is not based on your "righteous deeds" or your mistakes. Absolutely no one, is allowed to cast that first stone on you. Jesus has died for You on the cross and you have been fully redeemed by His blood. He is loving and his blood is powerful enough to set you free from your deepest shame and darkest sin.
This post is not to make anyone feel worse about themselves, but it is meant for those who truly want to know what is beneficial for them (rather than what is permissible), and is open to hear and lookout for a second opinion in this area of their life.
1. There are consequences to our actions that not just you have to bear, but your loved ones.
As much as it might be uncomfortable for people to hear this, though God has set you free from your sin, there are still consequences we have to bear because of our actions. And sexual sin has deeper consequences than most would know or imagine. There are many wonderful testimonies of a married couple where one is a virgin and the other is not, and has experienced forgiveness and grace in this aspect. However, this is not without deep restoration and rebuilding work for the couple, especially so in their first few years of marriage. Often, it comes with years of building trust and overcoming that sense of betrayal when one has chosen to wait but the other has freely given it away (though there is a change of heart).
I have commonly heard from friends, be it man or women, feeling insecure and shared that "I'm afraid I am not enough for him/her", or "can I believe my spouse when he/she says I am attractive?", as they in-evidently compares themselves to the past sexual partners their spouse have had.
How can something be sacred and not matter at the same time? Restoration is possible, however, we should not ignore or be dismissive of the real emotional pain our past sexual sin can have on our spouse.
It would take much prayers, knees, tears, patience and maturity for the couple to journey through this together. If God has shown you and you have the peace, then I believe He will give you the strength for this. However, there is no condemnation if this is a standard that God has placed in you and you know it is beyond you to accept it. Acknowledge your feelings and what He has placed in your heart, and seek His peace in this matter.
2. Your action should match your commitment. This is a matter of integrity and of selfless love/honour.
In today's culture, many have used a technical definition to find loopholes by re-defining purity, limiting the word to mean only "not going all the way", thus, a couple can do anything and everything short of sexual intercourse and is still technically a "virgin" and is "pure". However, purity should affect the heart, mind, and soul, not just certain body parts. God's standard is clear, celibacy before marriage and monogamy after marriage.
As sex is meant to draw two people closer, inducing deeper attachment and strengthen the partnership between the couple. Thus having sex out of marriage can result in a person forming an attachment and trust with someone with who he or she does not have a committed relationship with. To have that kind of link with someone without the security of working together toward God or marriage is dangerous. Two individuals who are physically obsessed with each other but not committed to growing as a couple can be torn from God's plan for them.
David's sin was not sudden. It was a build-up of small compromises. If you are facing the temptation to give in today, I strongly urge you to flee, and control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust (1 The 4:3-7), and in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister even if both are willing. Godly, loving sex between a husband and wife is giving and unselfish, but sexual acts out of marriage to fulfil a desire of the flesh is self-centered and abusive. So even if the partner is willing, do not lead him or her to sin.
What we desire is a measure of what we may get. Many might think that we often do not get what we desire, however, Psalm 73 was implying that the wicked will get what their hearts' desire and the righteous will get what their hearts desire too.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God (Matthew 5:8).
The pure in heart shall see God because all they desire is simply God. This does not mean we should not have any other desire such as intimacy, companionship or bubble tea (random, but I really desire bubble tea!).. Rather, I believe desiring God means to bring every other desire to Him and aligning our hearts to His. If our desires are unhealthy, we surrender them at his feet and trust in His will.
3. By choosing to uphold purity and exhibit self-control does not only benefit you but others as well.
A. You protect and honour your brother/sister's purity.
- To not have a taste of intimacy at the expense of someone' else purity.
B. You honour your future spouse.
- Your purity in this area is one of the best gifts you could offer your spouse, and the more intimate you were with someone else who is not your spouse, the more emotional hurt your spouse will have to go through as the two of you are exploring intimacy.
C. You honour your brother/sister's future spouse.
- You honour another bro/sis in christ by the way you treat the opposite gender. I believe you would not want your future spouse to have been inappropriately touched by others. It goes both ways.
D. You love yourself and have self-respect.
- Do you not see enough value in yourself to be so "chill" in this area? Do you not know how far He has gone for you on the cross?
What is true love? It is putting others before yourself. It is self-sacrifice.
I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
Romans 12:1-2
Fight for each others' purity, even if it means you have to fight yourself.
=====
For those who have fallen in this area, there is forgiveness, restoration, healing and wholeness in Christ. He has a good, pleasing and perfect will for you, and it is still there for you to live it to the fullest.
There is nothing too broken for Him to mend. This is true love.
Comments