“give the ones you love wings to fly, roots to come back and reasons to stay”
They said love is hard. Love is scary. But most of all, love is painful. To me, love isn’t painful or scary.. it is the lack of love that is..
Sometimes we wonder why does God allows someone wonderful into our lives, teaching us how to love and be loved.. and then take it away.. but what if they aren’t ours to begin with? I got reminded of CS Lewis and her wife Joy Davidman.. they met in 1954, married in 1956.. and Joy passed on in 1960..
As quoted from Lewis in his book about her Wife passing.. he said “At first I am overwhelmed, and all my little happiness looks like broken toys. Then, slowly and reluctantly, bit by bit, I try to bring myself into the frame of mind that I should be in at all times. I remind myself that all these toys were never intended to possess my heart, that my true good is in another world, and my only real treasure is Christ. And perhaps, by God's grace, I succeed, and for a day or two become a creature consciously dependent on God and drawing its strength from the right sources.”
He’s thankful for that 6 years together.. and I’m thankful for my time in Defu as well.
is just so terribly tough for anyone when the attachment is built.. and many times I’ve struggled if I should have stayed.. yet I felt it was prideful of me to say the youth will be worst off without me.. I know deep down it is time for me to move on, to a place God has in store.. to “others”, for “others”. We aren't called to live for ourselves.. but.. others..
Perhaps it felt like someone pulled the rug on u, but i trust that God will give u the strength to hang on to life and hope.
When you choose to love, your heart will always be at risk, and it may seem that the only way to protect it is to block yourself off from love all together.. however, this ultimately can be the biggest loss you could ever cause yourself.
The reason love is so amazing to begin with is that by opening our hearts wide enough, we make room for more joys and more highs than we’ve ever experienced before. But that’s why it’s scary – that extra room for happiness can double as an extra room for pain.
But what we must do is be aware of the fact that we have to willingly open ourselves up to pain, rejection, vulnerability, loss, and a whole lot of other uncomfortable emotions, if we want any chance at all of experiencing real love. Love is what this dark and broken world lacks.
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.
As written by M, "One common thing I used to say was "I'm useless" and that nothing could change me. I thought no one believed in me so hence I should just act according to what others say about me. The thing that you did was believing in me. Please know you have made a huge difference in my life that I would always cherish as long as I live, I won't forget the effort you made, be it whether I reached heights in the future. Back then I thought I don't even deserve a second chance because I can't even accept myself. Because you've given me a second chance, I've learned to accept that what I did was the past and that I should accept that the door of second chance always open to those who have got the willing heart to receive it. The support you gave me gives me better confidence in myself and all those praises make me look at myself in a loving way. You're here to help me work towards the better self you saw in me. Even when I see the least in myself, you see the most in me. I know you need to leave, let me be happy for you. I hope you will be happier and better wherever you go. While you are out there helping other people out, I will continue to help myself to be a better version of myself, I will do what's required of me. Idk how to have your past years over here but all I could say was you make mine into a meaning one. I will repay you by being a good person when I grow up. "
Though Defu has been a really dark place, it has been a place etched deeply in the corner of my heart.. Perhaps because this was my first, I find myself trusting too much, loving too much, caring too much; reaching a point where a lack of boundaries caused my love to be taken for granted, and care abused.. As much as I have braced myself, guarding my heart against people that are instrumental, it still hurts. I saw how my bubble burst, and that I was too narrow-minded to see how the system works. I've learned to not give people a taste of their own medicine, but a taste of my own. If they lied, let my medicine be honesty. If they played with my emotions, let my medicine be maturity. If they broke me, let my medicine heal. If they made me cry, let ye medicine make them grow. These remedies of mine may take years to work, but they work. And they last. Be patient and stay true to yourself. If you are kind, don't lose it just to survive in a dark place. Who you last a lifetime. You are no doubt, worthy of being valued for who you are.
I'm asking God for the grace not to run away, but to keep engaging in choosing love. In all religions, there is love, yet love has no religion, race, culture or gender.
Love always wins. But it doesn't happen because you put in the effort or cause you're genuine or cause of any other variables. Love is like a marathon. You don't see the outcome now doesn't mean you can't see it in the future.
It's happening for you, not to you. There will be a period of sadness that teaches you about yourself, and you be meeting someone that changes your perspective, a trip that changes your direction, a struggle you thought you couldn't overcome, but you did, a situation that tested your faith, and finally, an opportunity to use what you've learned to fulfill the greater purpose.
M has shown me a different side of youth work, I'm believing again the power of sowing seeds and entrusting God for growth. It is tough, but is worth it. M has inherently shaken my world, and I'm more than thankful. At times when it's going to be incredibly hard, I'm placing my trust in You again Lord, and that you will watch over M, watch over me, watch over us, both under the same sky, under your wings.
Sometimes we wonder why does God allows someone wonderful into our lives, teaching us how to love and be loved.. and then take it away.. but what if they aren’t ours to begin with? I got reminded of CS Lewis and her wife Joy Davidman.. they met in 1954, married in 1956.. and Joy passed on in 1960..
As quoted from Lewis in his book about her Wife passing.. he said “At first I am overwhelmed, and all my little happiness looks like broken toys. Then, slowly and reluctantly, bit by bit, I try to bring myself into the frame of mind that I should be in at all times. I remind myself that all these toys were never intended to possess my heart, that my true good is in another world, and my only real treasure is Christ. And perhaps, by God's grace, I succeed, and for a day or two become a creature consciously dependent on God and drawing its strength from the right sources.”
He’s thankful for that 6 years together.. and I’m thankful for my time in Defu as well.
is just so terribly tough for anyone when the attachment is built.. and many times I’ve struggled if I should have stayed.. yet I felt it was prideful of me to say the youth will be worst off without me.. I know deep down it is time for me to move on, to a place God has in store.. to “others”, for “others”. We aren't called to live for ourselves.. but.. others..
Perhaps it felt like someone pulled the rug on u, but i trust that God will give u the strength to hang on to life and hope.
When you choose to love, your heart will always be at risk, and it may seem that the only way to protect it is to block yourself off from love all together.. however, this ultimately can be the biggest loss you could ever cause yourself.
The reason love is so amazing to begin with is that by opening our hearts wide enough, we make room for more joys and more highs than we’ve ever experienced before. But that’s why it’s scary – that extra room for happiness can double as an extra room for pain.
But what we must do is be aware of the fact that we have to willingly open ourselves up to pain, rejection, vulnerability, loss, and a whole lot of other uncomfortable emotions, if we want any chance at all of experiencing real love. Love is what this dark and broken world lacks.
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.
As written by M, "One common thing I used to say was "I'm useless" and that nothing could change me. I thought no one believed in me so hence I should just act according to what others say about me. The thing that you did was believing in me. Please know you have made a huge difference in my life that I would always cherish as long as I live, I won't forget the effort you made, be it whether I reached heights in the future. Back then I thought I don't even deserve a second chance because I can't even accept myself. Because you've given me a second chance, I've learned to accept that what I did was the past and that I should accept that the door of second chance always open to those who have got the willing heart to receive it. The support you gave me gives me better confidence in myself and all those praises make me look at myself in a loving way. You're here to help me work towards the better self you saw in me. Even when I see the least in myself, you see the most in me. I know you need to leave, let me be happy for you. I hope you will be happier and better wherever you go. While you are out there helping other people out, I will continue to help myself to be a better version of myself, I will do what's required of me. Idk how to have your past years over here but all I could say was you make mine into a meaning one. I will repay you by being a good person when I grow up. "
Though Defu has been a really dark place, it has been a place etched deeply in the corner of my heart.. Perhaps because this was my first, I find myself trusting too much, loving too much, caring too much; reaching a point where a lack of boundaries caused my love to be taken for granted, and care abused.. As much as I have braced myself, guarding my heart against people that are instrumental, it still hurts. I saw how my bubble burst, and that I was too narrow-minded to see how the system works. I've learned to not give people a taste of their own medicine, but a taste of my own. If they lied, let my medicine be honesty. If they played with my emotions, let my medicine be maturity. If they broke me, let my medicine heal. If they made me cry, let ye medicine make them grow. These remedies of mine may take years to work, but they work. And they last. Be patient and stay true to yourself. If you are kind, don't lose it just to survive in a dark place. Who you last a lifetime. You are no doubt, worthy of being valued for who you are.
I'm asking God for the grace not to run away, but to keep engaging in choosing love. In all religions, there is love, yet love has no religion, race, culture or gender.
Love always wins. But it doesn't happen because you put in the effort or cause you're genuine or cause of any other variables. Love is like a marathon. You don't see the outcome now doesn't mean you can't see it in the future.
It's happening for you, not to you. There will be a period of sadness that teaches you about yourself, and you be meeting someone that changes your perspective, a trip that changes your direction, a struggle you thought you couldn't overcome, but you did, a situation that tested your faith, and finally, an opportunity to use what you've learned to fulfill the greater purpose.
M has shown me a different side of youth work, I'm believing again the power of sowing seeds and entrusting God for growth. It is tough, but is worth it. M has inherently shaken my world, and I'm more than thankful. At times when it's going to be incredibly hard, I'm placing my trust in You again Lord, and that you will watch over M, watch over me, watch over us, both under the same sky, under your wings.
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