God's will through the storm

 First Bread with love at TPY! Man does not live on bread alone.. but with Sherlynn.. :p

What a joy to be able to serve and be His hands and feet in anyways I could, however small it may seems.. 

Met a 80 year old uncle while distributing bread.. and His story really breaks my heart. It has been a week since I met him but I still feel so burden till now. It feels as though God has placed his emotions in mine. 

He works as a social worker, but in the midst of giving, he became skeptical that God is good. As he go on to share about his resentment towards God's silence in natural evil; such as earthquakes and death, and how God can go on sitting comfortably at His throne and watching his people suffer, my heart can't help but to break, for I know all that he is sharing about others is just a facade of what he himself have experienced that compelled him to doubt His goodness or existence. 

How can you hate something that you don't believe exist?

My discernment was right as he went on to pour out his own bitterness towards God, having to lose his mum and sisters er at a short period, and not being able to see them for the last time. With tears in his eyes, he said he hated God, and apologize to me after knowing I'm a christian. I'm in no way bitter or angry at him, for I can empathize where he came from. I asked what is one thing he really needs right now, and he said.. "peace. i hadn't have the sense of peace for the longest time." My heart sank. 

Oh Lord, give me wisdom, help me to minister to this precious one of yours. What can I do Lord? I know you love him more than I do, and you knows it all. 

This session keeps me thinking for days. Often people said, " No pain, no gain." But there are in-explainable and indescribable pain that far outweighs the gain. It seems like a Pyrrhic victory.. Yes, in His word He says that our present troubles are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us, (romans 8:18). The sufferings produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever (2 cor 4:17). In life, there are many questions left unanswered, we can only know in full when we see Him face to face, For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known (1 cor 13:12).

 I realized that it is easy for an outsider to go into theological arguments and reasoning with God and questions the  problem of pain and evil, feeling all the anger and bitterness when justice isn't served, innocent people get hurt and that evil are let off the hook.  However, when you are really into the situation, experiencing tormenting emotional pain, you will know that you are not exactly looking for an answer, for even having one will not satisfy that hook and questions in your heart, but what really you need is peace, comfort, presence, knowing that even in the darkest valley, you are not alone, He is there all along, and His rod and staff, they comfort you (psalm 23). A little courage helps more than much knowledge, a little human sympathy more than much courage, and the least tincture of the love of God more than all.

Grander earth has quaked before

Moved by the sound of His voice

Seas that are shaken and stirred

Can be calmed and broken for my regard

And through it all, through it all

My eyes are on You

And through it all, through it all

It is well with me

Far be it from me to not believe

Even when my eyes can't see

And this mountain that's in front of me

Will be thrown into the midst of the sea

So let go my soul and trust in Him

The waves and wind still know His name 

It is well with my soul

(It is well- Bethel) 

God's will is not the path we walk, but rather how we walk the path.

God’s will is not chronic pain, illness, disability or death.

God’s will is not an event that happens to us, it’s how we respond to what happens.

God’s will for us is to walk with Him through the cancer. Through the abuse. Through the death. Through the illness. God’s will is for us to draw close to him in the midst of pain. God’s will is for us to use our painful life events to carry his message of hope, grace, forgiveness and mercy. 

Suffering is not good in itself. For sufferer, it is about his or her submission to the will of god. For the spectators, is the compassion aroused and the acts of mercy.. (C.S. Lewis)

The next time when my heart breaks, sharing burdens but bearing load that is too much for me to carry, go back to these very truth..

1) the simple good descend from god

2) the simple evil produced by rebellious creatures

3) the exploitation of that evil by god for his redemptive purpose

4) which produces the complex good to which accepted suffering and repented sin contribute.

It all bound down to free will. the consequences of sin that man bear, to show them how it is to live your own way, a life away from God. it will be filled with worldly death and sorrow.
However, bearing in mind that He isn't willing for anyone of us to perish and takes no pleasure in our destruction (2 peter 3:9). At times he don't rescue immediately, but work it out for our own good..

Jesus is much closer than you think. if you’ve put your trust in Him, then He is in you. And, therefore, your sufferings are His sufferings; your sorrow is His sorrow.

So when tragedy strikes, as it will; when suffering comes, as it will; when you’re wrestling with pain, as you will – and when you make the choice to run into His arms, here’s what you’re going to discover: you’ll find peace to deal with the present, you’ll find courage to deal with your future, and you’ll find the incredible promise of eternal life in heaven.

By itself suffering does no good. But when we see it as the thing between God and us, it has meaning. Wedged in the crux—the cross—suffering becomes a transaction. The cross is a place of transaction. It is the place where power happens between God and us.

Sufferings are for sure, and death as well. Unjust things happened to good people. 

For those that were never delivered, and committed suicide, I hate to say this, but that God is still good. His promises and purposes still prevails. 

God does not willingly let his children goes through pain. Sometimes i might find it hard to believe so, but then I look at the story of Job, he who has no idea that it was a bet between God and Satan, He lost his faith but regain it when he see God. For me now it seems like a pyrrhic victory that he is gaining, but i am not Job. Perhaps like him, when i see god and felt His presence, though I lost my family, all the pain might really just pale in comparison to the glory shown. Job is a lesson in acceptance, not of blind resignation, but of believing acceptance, that what God does is well done.
Lord, give me great grace to do for the glory of Christ Jesus whatever comes to me, in sickness and in health. 

Pain teaches not that we are self sufficient, but that we have the sufficiency to trust in heaven. It is not a virtue in itself but a means to an end..

Try to exclude the possibility of suffering which the order of nature and the existence of free-wills involve, and you find that you have excluded life itself..

All my arguments in justification of suffering might provoke bitter resentment against me. I myself am a great coward in experiencing pain. When i think of pain, the heartbreaking routine of monotonous misery, or again of dull aches or sudden nauseating pains that knock a man's heart out at one blow, of pains that seem already intolerable and then are sullenly increased. If I knew any way of escape, I would find it with all my might. Pain hurts. that is what the word means. the classic christian doctrine of being made perfect through suffering is not incredible. 

At first i am overwhelmed, and all my little happiness look like broken toys. Then, i remind myself that all these toys were never intended to possess my heart, that my true good is in another world and my only real treasure in Christ. and by God's grace, i become consciously dependent on god and drawing its strength from the right sources. but the moment the threat is withdrawn, my whole nature leaps back to the toys. thus, tribulations cannot cease until god either sees us remade or sees that our remaking is now hopeless. 

Perhaps it is never God's will to make us glibly happy, and success isn't all about living in happiness; a bed of roses, for he cares more about our relationship with Him and our character above others, and suffering is needed to get there, to learnt that God is our only hope and joy and dependence in this earth, there's really nothing else that matters.