He loves us fully and unconditionally.

Are you still proud of me? 

Each time I face my weakness, mistakes, and sin, this question comes forth my mind. I realized I have been limiting God's love through earthy lenses; like a son who strives to seek his father's approval and to meet his expectation, wanting to do him proud... 

Yet, God loves us fully and completely. This love is unconditional, not based on what we can offer Him. He delights in our truest self, not the version of ourselves that we think He wants, or the expectation people have of us as Christians. He created us, wired us with our own unique set of emotions, strengths, and even weaknesses, He delights in who I am because I am His. The more I realized God's love for me is supernatural and is truly unconditional, where i do not have to strive to be accepted or loved, the more I live in the freedom as a child of God.

The past weeks have been difficult. I looked at the mirror, asking what do you see in my reflection, if this is the true me? I sometimes find it hard to reconcile that I am a Christian yet I am struggling so much in sin, having to repent daily, giving in to fleshy options to cope with life. I am deeply conflicted between who I am in Him, and my way of life, that I still fall, not once or twice, but multiple times. Though I am victorious and more than a conqueror in Christ, when i look barely at my sin and mistakes, i don't feel victorious at all. I could not fathom how God could still graciously forgive and love me for who I am, and constantly having to remind myself that I am not a hypocritical Christian that goes to church but still do wrong, but I am a Christian that is a work in progress; a Christian that makes a choice every morning and say "I choose Jesus", though knowing that I will fall. 

Righteousness. He told me that's what he sees in the mirror. 

Is somehow easy to utter "I am loved", "I am saved", "I am healed", "I am blessed", "I am whole", or "I am spotless without blemishes". But to mouth the phrase "I am righteous in Christ"? That was difficult, and I am moved. Indeed what He said about me is what truly matters, and far outweigh what i think of myself. 

Righteousness is being right in the eyes of God. He has always rewarded man with His righteousness by faith, not by works. In comparison to God’s righteousness, our righteous deeds are “nothing but filthy rags”. The law reveals to us that no man can satisfy all its requirements, and therefore exposes our helplessness toward accomplishing His perfect standard.  In Him, we are accepted and justified not by our goodness but by the perfect love of God. We are justified by faith alone. None of our works of righteousness could ever be the basis of justification. We are justified with Christ’s perfect righteousness the very instant that we have faith, before we do any works of faith.

"For He has made Him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in Him." 2 Corinthians 5:21

Righteousness also referred to what we are living out in our daily lives, and it's progressive.

I realized that I needed to repent and lay all of me at the feet of Jesus. I know I am incapable of changing my own heart, and only He can do that. To stop trying to strive and begin to simply trust in the Holy Spirit to change my heart. In circumstances that i could not comprehend, to grit's one teeth and cling on to the truth that He is for us and not against us. His love for me is everlasting and he is always faithful.

He looks at the heart, and it is not enough to clean up our act on the outside. 
For "man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart"

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see you" - Mat 5:8.

"Create in me a pure heart, O God,
    and renew a steadfast spirit within me" - Psalm 51:10

Seeing God is the great goal of being pure, and "God is the one who can purifies my heart by faith" (Acts 15:9)

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