The hardest person to forgive aren't your enemy or your loved ones, but yourself
I eventually found God's grace for every person who had ever let me down in any way. But forgiving myself for my past mistakes I'd made throughout my life seemed to require far more grace than I could muster.
Whenever I would reflect on what I'd done, or what had been done to me, I would be deceived to think that no one could possibly love me if they knew all the things I've done, and I felt so unworthy of God's love. I was so ashamed.
Does my refusal to forgive myself for my past tells others about the blood that Jesus shed for me? Do i truly believe that His blood has enough power to cleanse me? Do I laid hold of the astonishing truth that there is no spot or stain that cannot be washed away by the blood of Christ?
Underlying all of my self-pity was the belief that what Jesus did for me couldn't possibly be enough to rid me of my stain and set me free.
If jesus blood doesnt cover our sin, then his death is a farce.
Paul preached "Righteousness from God comes through faith in jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. (Romans 3:22-24)
He died so that you can experience freedom, his healing hands that bears the scar also bears your shame and pain as well, so that you can have life, and it is a life of abundance together with Him.
When I am justified by God's grace (Romans 3:24), it is "just as if I'd never done those things". I've slowly learnt to surrender my pain and my backpack full of guilt and shame.
Romans 5:20" But where sin increased, grace increased all the more"
The more I'm aware of my sinful nature, the more I'm left in awe of His tremendous grace.
there were times I felt so hopeless about myself, that I felt a sinner like me is not worthy of such a good and loving God. I felt so broken and beyond repair, and I chose to dwell in this state of brokenness, because moving on just takes too much of me.
I lack the courage to even carry on. I felt like a wretch when I sin, and often trapped in the lie that I'm not worth fighting for or dying for on the cross.
Why is my joy not abiding in him but in my circumstances?
When I cried out in desperation that night, asking you what do you even see in me?
Why would u even love a gross sinner such as me?
I felt there's nothing in me that is worth your attention.
He so tenderly spoke words that I will never forget.
"I am love. There is no need for a reason to love you, this is why my love is unconditional."
Hearing these left me in awe, speechless, a heart filled with so much adoration and love. I can't describe it in full, but it is like a revelation of His love, and what grace really means.
In the midst of my pain and fear, I will not run away from you, but run towards You.
Give me a new heart Lord, a new life.
Tell me my worth everyday, give me faith to believe it.
Give me love to love myself, teach me to forgive myself.
Let me be a follower who is clear of my identity, of what it means to be a child of God.
A daughter who is alive in Christ, and not dead in her sin.
A creation made new, with hope and faith renewed every morning, who abide her joy in Christ, who never gives up in pursuing God, because He never gives up on her as well.
His grace is ALWAYS enough, his presence and joy never runs out.
He delights in you, and dances over you...
He spoke in Psalm 139.
"I have searched you and I know you.
I know when you sit and when you rise; I perceive your thoughts from afar.
I discern your going out and your lying down; I am familiar with all your ways.
Before a word is on your tongue I know it completely.
Where can you go from my Spirit? Where can you flee from my presence?
If you go up to the heavens, I am there; if you make your bed in the depths, I am there.
If you rise on the wings of the dawn, if you settle on the far side of the sea,
even there my hand will guide you, my right hand will hold you fast.
If you say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
Even the darkness will not be dark to me; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to me.
For I created your inmost being; I knit you together in your mother's womb. You are
fearfully and wonderfully made; my works are wonderful, I know that full well.
But do your know that?
Do you truly believe you are beautiful, a wonderful creation of mine?
I keep no records of your wrong my child, because I am love.
I keep track of all your sorrows. I have collected all your tears in my bottle. I have recorded each one in my book. (psalm 56:8) You ask me what do I love about you. You asked why would I even love you.
There is no need for a reason, for my love is unconditional.
My love is unchanging no matter what you've done or what has be done to you.
Nothing can separate you from my love. "
Am i fully convicted of His love for me? that indeed His grace covers it all?
Reality, look at steadily, is unbearable.
If my house has collapsed at one blow, that is because it was a house of cards. If i had really cared, as i thought i did, about the sorrows of the world, i should not have been so overwhelmed when my own sorrow came.
I thought i trusted the rope until it mattered to me whether it would bear me. Now it matters, and i find i didn't.
You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you. It is easy to believe a rope to be strong and sound as long as you are merely using it to cord a box. But suppose you had to hang by that rope over a precipice. Wouldn't you then discover how much you really trusted it? Only a real risk tests the reality of a belief.
I'm a sinful man, but the spirit do not drove me to shame, but a desire to be more like you.
You said that I am your special possession, that I am chosen to declare the praises of You who called me out of darkness into your wonderful light. (1 peter 2:9) I am favored.
From today onward, I will be your priest and minister.
Jesus came to proclaim good news to the poor, (Isaiah 61)
He was sent to bind up the brokenhearted; this meant you and me as well,
to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor,
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve.
He bestow on me a crown of beauty instead of ashes.
the oil of joy instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
I am called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor.
Instead of my shame, I will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace I will rejoice in His inheritance.
And I will inherit a double portion in my land,
and everlasting joy will be mine.
Jesus’ line in the sand makes the only true distinction. He’s on one side, sinless and obedient. We’re all on the other side. None of us is worthy to judge. Under His criteria, only Jesus can throw that initial stone
Jesus erased our artificial distinctions between acceptable and unacceptable sin. He ripped the veil from public piety that conceals private failure and revealed the darkness that haunts every human heart. We’re all on the wrong side of His line. His challenge for the person without sin to cast the first stone convicts all of us.
.
Here comes the best part. He then did something remarkable; something beyond lines.
After all her accusers vanished, the guilty woman stood alone with Jesus. She now faced the true judge, the only One on the other side of the line.
He’d banished the pretenders, exposing their false sense of superiority by trapping them in their own logic and legalism.
Her accusers were gone, but her guilt remained.
She was still on the wrong side of the line, along with me and you.Guilty. No defense, no justification, no denial, no appeal.
And the judge says the most amazing thing.
“I don’t condemn you. I love you so much that I’ll pay your debt.
Go now, and leave your life of sin.”
And just like that, we’re free. The record’s wiped clean. No guilt, no condemnation.
We didn’t earn it, don’t deserve it, and can’t really understand it. But we’re free.
I can’t erase your past. I can’t wipe away the worldly consequences of my own errors or obliterate others’ evil deeds.
But I can go forward in hope.
Jesus says, “I see you as you are, and I love you more than you can imagine. Leave here with a new beginning. Go now, and leave your life of sin.”
We are all products of our past but we don't have to be prisoners of it.
Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead
~ Phili 3:13
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.Romans 8:18
Worship turns our eyes off of our pain and onto capability of our loving, able father...He reveals himself in glorious ways thru pain and suffering. He wants u to allow him to reclaim your story, paint over your lost picture, and provide for u all the wondrous elements of his strength in your weakest places. 2cor 12:8-9
He was offering Paul a revelation of himself, a revelation of something bigger than Paul's temporary condition. He is offering u perfection in your most inadequate places.
The more we can learn to give ourselves the same grace we offer to others, the sufficient grace from our father that finds its strength in weakness- the more freedom we'll have from the debilitating effects of disappointment.
Real love gives without expecting to be loved back.
I want to live. really live. I want my heart back. Engaging the heart is what brings us into relationship with God, and intimacy grows when we love him passionately, trust him completely, and put him first in our lives. And in that intimacy, following his rules becomes our desires, not his demand.
one of the things i love about God is that he is a god of second chances.He doesn't give up on us. He keeps pursuing us and wants to rescue us. According to psalm 18:19 he loves me so much that he actually "delights in me". God has shown his love for me in so many wonderful ways.
There's so much life yet to be lived.
Some of us have spent years holding on to our wounds- our anger, our bitterness, our disappointment. Forgiveness is a way to let go of all that accumulated pain. But honest forgiveness, is rarely a simple, one-time choice. Sometimes we have to try it again and again.
What if peter had chosen to live in his shame instead of responding to Jesus?
God doesn't see us as an abused human, but a beautiful women who has such a heart for God. He is hurt that it happened, but he doesn't see that when he looks at you. he sees you as his beloved, someone he died to save, someone he's forgiven, someone whose life he wants to use for his glory.
Isaiah 61:9 "for your former shame, you will receive double.
We are going to be a crown of glory and honor in the hand of the lord."
if god thinks that of us, how can we think anything less? because if the Lord sets you free, you are free through and through.
This period of struggle, I learnt about his presence through his silence.
You can't see anything properly while your eyes are blurred with tears, for delicious drinks are wasted on a really ravenous thirst.
I have gradually been coming to feel that the door is no longer shut and bolted.
Was it my own frantic need that slammed it in my face?
The time when there is nothing at all in your soul except a cry for help may be just the time when God can't give it; you are like the drowning man who cant be helped because he clutches and grabs. Perhaps your own reiterated cries deafen you to the voice you hoped to hear.
"knock and it shall be opened" but does knocking means hammering and kicking the door like a maniac. And "to him the hath shall be given" after all, you must have a capacity to receive, or even omnipotence can't give. Perhaps your own passion temporarily destroys the capacity.
The more we believe that god hurts only to heal, the less we can believe that there is any use in begging for tenderness. Suppose you are up against is a surgeon whose intentions are wholly good. The more conscientious he is, the more inexorably he will go on cutting. If he yielded to your entreaties, if he stopped before the operation was complete, all the pain up to that point would have been useless.
The tortures occur. If they are unnecessary, then there is no god or a bad one. If there is a good god, then these tortures are necessary. For no even moderately good being could possibly inflict or permit them if they weren't.
God is far more concerned with our character than he is with our comfort. He wants us to love and trust him in the deepest parts of us, and sometimes it takes suffering to get us to that point. He promised to be with us always, right here, right now, in the middle of our messy and disappointing lives.
Sometimes you get a rather special sort of "no answer ". It is not a locked door.
It is more like a silent, certainly not uncompassionate, gaze. As through He shook his head not in refusal but waving our question. Like "peace, child ; you don't understand."
His love and his knowledge are not distinct from one another, nor from Him.
Whenever I would reflect on what I'd done, or what had been done to me, I would be deceived to think that no one could possibly love me if they knew all the things I've done, and I felt so unworthy of God's love. I was so ashamed.
Does my refusal to forgive myself for my past tells others about the blood that Jesus shed for me? Do i truly believe that His blood has enough power to cleanse me? Do I laid hold of the astonishing truth that there is no spot or stain that cannot be washed away by the blood of Christ?
Underlying all of my self-pity was the belief that what Jesus did for me couldn't possibly be enough to rid me of my stain and set me free.
If jesus blood doesnt cover our sin, then his death is a farce.
Paul preached "Righteousness from God comes through faith in jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. (Romans 3:22-24)
He died so that you can experience freedom, his healing hands that bears the scar also bears your shame and pain as well, so that you can have life, and it is a life of abundance together with Him.
When I am justified by God's grace (Romans 3:24), it is "just as if I'd never done those things". I've slowly learnt to surrender my pain and my backpack full of guilt and shame.
Romans 5:20" But where sin increased, grace increased all the more"
The more I'm aware of my sinful nature, the more I'm left in awe of His tremendous grace.
If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking...
there were times I felt so hopeless about myself, that I felt a sinner like me is not worthy of such a good and loving God. I felt so broken and beyond repair, and I chose to dwell in this state of brokenness, because moving on just takes too much of me.
I lack the courage to even carry on. I felt like a wretch when I sin, and often trapped in the lie that I'm not worth fighting for or dying for on the cross.
Why is my joy not abiding in him but in my circumstances?
When I cried out in desperation that night, asking you what do you even see in me?
Why would u even love a gross sinner such as me?
I felt there's nothing in me that is worth your attention.
He so tenderly spoke words that I will never forget.
"I am love. There is no need for a reason to love you, this is why my love is unconditional."
Hearing these left me in awe, speechless, a heart filled with so much adoration and love. I can't describe it in full, but it is like a revelation of His love, and what grace really means.
In the midst of my pain and fear, I will not run away from you, but run towards You.
Give me a new heart Lord, a new life.
Tell me my worth everyday, give me faith to believe it.
Give me love to love myself, teach me to forgive myself.
Let me be a follower who is clear of my identity, of what it means to be a child of God.
A daughter who is alive in Christ, and not dead in her sin.
A creation made new, with hope and faith renewed every morning, who abide her joy in Christ, who never gives up in pursuing God, because He never gives up on her as well.
His grace is ALWAYS enough, his presence and joy never runs out.
He delights in you, and dances over you...
He spoke in Psalm 139.
"I have searched you and I know you.
I know when you sit and when you rise; I perceive your thoughts from afar.
I discern your going out and your lying down; I am familiar with all your ways.
Before a word is on your tongue I know it completely.
Where can you go from my Spirit? Where can you flee from my presence?
If you go up to the heavens, I am there; if you make your bed in the depths, I am there.
If you rise on the wings of the dawn, if you settle on the far side of the sea,
even there my hand will guide you, my right hand will hold you fast.
If you say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
Even the darkness will not be dark to me; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to me.
For I created your inmost being; I knit you together in your mother's womb. You are
fearfully and wonderfully made; my works are wonderful, I know that full well.
But do your know that?
Do you truly believe you are beautiful, a wonderful creation of mine?
I keep no records of your wrong my child, because I am love.
I keep track of all your sorrows. I have collected all your tears in my bottle. I have recorded each one in my book. (psalm 56:8) You ask me what do I love about you. You asked why would I even love you.
There is no need for a reason, for my love is unconditional.
My love is unchanging no matter what you've done or what has be done to you.
Nothing can separate you from my love. "
Am i fully convicted of His love for me? that indeed His grace covers it all?
No matter what I've done,
No matter where I've been.
No matter how I fall, You pick me up again.
You have removed my shame, You take me as I am
You call me justified. now I am covered by Your grace.
"Covered- Planet shakers"
Reality, look at steadily, is unbearable.
If my house has collapsed at one blow, that is because it was a house of cards. If i had really cared, as i thought i did, about the sorrows of the world, i should not have been so overwhelmed when my own sorrow came.
I thought i trusted the rope until it mattered to me whether it would bear me. Now it matters, and i find i didn't.
You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you. It is easy to believe a rope to be strong and sound as long as you are merely using it to cord a box. But suppose you had to hang by that rope over a precipice. Wouldn't you then discover how much you really trusted it? Only a real risk tests the reality of a belief.
I'm a sinful man, but the spirit do not drove me to shame, but a desire to be more like you.
You said that I am your special possession, that I am chosen to declare the praises of You who called me out of darkness into your wonderful light. (1 peter 2:9) I am favored.
From today onward, I will be your priest and minister.
Jesus came to proclaim good news to the poor, (Isaiah 61)
He was sent to bind up the brokenhearted; this meant you and me as well,
to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor,
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve.
He bestow on me a crown of beauty instead of ashes.
the oil of joy instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
I am called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor.
Instead of my shame, I will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace I will rejoice in His inheritance.
And I will inherit a double portion in my land,
and everlasting joy will be mine.
I am no longer called deserted, but i will be call Hephzibah,
which means your delight is in her.
which means your delight is in her.
~Isaiah 61
Was reminded of a bible story where a line in the sand of the temple floor was drew by Jesus when a women caught in adultery was bought to him Jesus’ line in the sand makes the only true distinction. He’s on one side, sinless and obedient. We’re all on the other side. None of us is worthy to judge. Under His criteria, only Jesus can throw that initial stone
Jesus erased our artificial distinctions between acceptable and unacceptable sin. He ripped the veil from public piety that conceals private failure and revealed the darkness that haunts every human heart. We’re all on the wrong side of His line. His challenge for the person without sin to cast the first stone convicts all of us.
.
Here comes the best part. He then did something remarkable; something beyond lines.
After all her accusers vanished, the guilty woman stood alone with Jesus. She now faced the true judge, the only One on the other side of the line.
He’d banished the pretenders, exposing their false sense of superiority by trapping them in their own logic and legalism.
Her accusers were gone, but her guilt remained.
She was still on the wrong side of the line, along with me and you.Guilty. No defense, no justification, no denial, no appeal.
And the judge says the most amazing thing.
“I don’t condemn you. I love you so much that I’ll pay your debt.
Go now, and leave your life of sin.”
And just like that, we’re free. The record’s wiped clean. No guilt, no condemnation.
We didn’t earn it, don’t deserve it, and can’t really understand it. But we’re free.
I can’t erase your past. I can’t wipe away the worldly consequences of my own errors or obliterate others’ evil deeds.
But I can go forward in hope.
Jesus says, “I see you as you are, and I love you more than you can imagine. Leave here with a new beginning. Go now, and leave your life of sin.”
We are all products of our past but we don't have to be prisoners of it.
Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead
~ Phili 3:13
I'm coming back to the start where you found me
I'm coming back to your heart, now i surrender.
Take me, this is all I can bring.
You never stop loving us no matter how far we run
You'll never give up on us
All of heaven shouts; LET THE FUTURE BEGIN.
(God's great dance floor)
No more tears, no more shame
No more sin and sorrow ever known again
No more fears, no more pain
We will see You face to face
(Endless Hallelujah)
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.Romans 8:18
Worship turns our eyes off of our pain and onto capability of our loving, able father...He reveals himself in glorious ways thru pain and suffering. He wants u to allow him to reclaim your story, paint over your lost picture, and provide for u all the wondrous elements of his strength in your weakest places. 2cor 12:8-9
He was offering Paul a revelation of himself, a revelation of something bigger than Paul's temporary condition. He is offering u perfection in your most inadequate places.
The more we can learn to give ourselves the same grace we offer to others, the sufficient grace from our father that finds its strength in weakness- the more freedom we'll have from the debilitating effects of disappointment.
Real love gives without expecting to be loved back.
I want to live. really live. I want my heart back. Engaging the heart is what brings us into relationship with God, and intimacy grows when we love him passionately, trust him completely, and put him first in our lives. And in that intimacy, following his rules becomes our desires, not his demand.
one of the things i love about God is that he is a god of second chances.He doesn't give up on us. He keeps pursuing us and wants to rescue us. According to psalm 18:19 he loves me so much that he actually "delights in me". God has shown his love for me in so many wonderful ways.
There's so much life yet to be lived.
Some of us have spent years holding on to our wounds- our anger, our bitterness, our disappointment. Forgiveness is a way to let go of all that accumulated pain. But honest forgiveness, is rarely a simple, one-time choice. Sometimes we have to try it again and again.
What if peter had chosen to live in his shame instead of responding to Jesus?
God doesn't see us as an abused human, but a beautiful women who has such a heart for God. He is hurt that it happened, but he doesn't see that when he looks at you. he sees you as his beloved, someone he died to save, someone he's forgiven, someone whose life he wants to use for his glory.
Isaiah 61:9 "for your former shame, you will receive double.
We are going to be a crown of glory and honor in the hand of the lord."
if god thinks that of us, how can we think anything less? because if the Lord sets you free, you are free through and through.
This period of struggle, I learnt about his presence through his silence.
You can't see anything properly while your eyes are blurred with tears, for delicious drinks are wasted on a really ravenous thirst.
I have gradually been coming to feel that the door is no longer shut and bolted.
Was it my own frantic need that slammed it in my face?
The time when there is nothing at all in your soul except a cry for help may be just the time when God can't give it; you are like the drowning man who cant be helped because he clutches and grabs. Perhaps your own reiterated cries deafen you to the voice you hoped to hear.
"knock and it shall be opened" but does knocking means hammering and kicking the door like a maniac. And "to him the hath shall be given" after all, you must have a capacity to receive, or even omnipotence can't give. Perhaps your own passion temporarily destroys the capacity.
The more we believe that god hurts only to heal, the less we can believe that there is any use in begging for tenderness. Suppose you are up against is a surgeon whose intentions are wholly good. The more conscientious he is, the more inexorably he will go on cutting. If he yielded to your entreaties, if he stopped before the operation was complete, all the pain up to that point would have been useless.
The tortures occur. If they are unnecessary, then there is no god or a bad one. If there is a good god, then these tortures are necessary. For no even moderately good being could possibly inflict or permit them if they weren't.
God is far more concerned with our character than he is with our comfort. He wants us to love and trust him in the deepest parts of us, and sometimes it takes suffering to get us to that point. He promised to be with us always, right here, right now, in the middle of our messy and disappointing lives.
Sometimes you get a rather special sort of "no answer ". It is not a locked door.
It is more like a silent, certainly not uncompassionate, gaze. As through He shook his head not in refusal but waving our question. Like "peace, child ; you don't understand."
His love and his knowledge are not distinct from one another, nor from Him.
We could almost say he sees because he loves,
and therefore loves although he sees...
Comments